Of Jolly Fangirls and Terrified Princes
by InkQuillz
Summary: Random! No plot at all, just a bit of fun. Originally for the MERLIN 2008 forum. It got joint second. ;


_Title: Of Jolly Fan girls and terrified Princes.  
Author: Michaela  
Spoiler Warning: None  
Genre: I guess Crack!Fic. It's utter random nonsense.  
Rating: (Remember, this is a PG-13 Board.) PG-13.  
Chapter: 1/1  
Summary: For the Christmas Fiction challenge. In which Arthur hates Christmas. Merlin is scared and a lot of jolly maids wreak havoc.  
Authors Notes: I didn't know what to write about so I tried to make it funny. I hope it works. It's just a random Christmas fiction in which Merlin discovers Arthur's biggest fear. I've never wrote 'comical' stories before so I hope it works. :)_

He was sure, completely positive that some curse had spread across the castle. There was not one single sane person to be seen. Gwen had practically skipped past him, a bright smile on her pretty face as she sang out a greeting to him in quick passing. The kitchen maids had been laughing as though they'd drunk a gallon of mead. He'd passed two Knights on the Castle steps on his way through who had reached out to grab him by the arms and attempt to twirl him like some ludicrous dancer and he was sure Gaius had been singing when he'd awoke this morning.

He could only dread to think what Arthur was like. Either he was just as drunk or charmed as the rest of them, or he was completely the opposite and in such a foul mood of all the merriness that Merlin would be forced to listen to constant growling and sullenness. He had half a mind to run back to his room and lock himself away, and he was still fighting with himself on whether to walk slower and postpone the meeting with the Prince, or to hurry up so as not to linger too long in the hallways of madness.

Arthur's door was not far off now and just as he reached the corner two giggling maids blocked his path. The first a tall, slender figure with bright curly red hair threw green ribbons around his neck, the itchy material irritating his fair skin. The other a shorter girl, chubbier than the first with a mass of almost yellow hair grabbed him by the wrists and pulled him forward. Her lips were already puckered as she pressed her lips to his. It felt like she was trying to suck the life out of him and Merlin, startled tried to pull back, only for the red head to pull tight on the ribbons to keep him still.

"Mistletoe!" She cried out with shrill voice then proceeded to giggle loudly. He going deaf and being suffocated by the other and with no idea why he felt powerless to do anything but stand and wait to be released.

"Oh! The Prince does care for his manservant. He tastes define!" The blonde yelled in delight and before Merlin could speak he was being yanked by the red head and found himself pressed against her so tightly that her breasts were near enough breaking his delicate ribs.

A small 'eep' escaped his mouth once he was released, nearly tripping over his own feet as he was pushed back. Finding his ground once more he remained stock still, terrified to move and have a third woman revealed. The girls giggled and the ribbon was tugged from his neck.

"You were right!" The red beamed and then tugged the Blonde's arm, only for the over girl to bend over whilst the red head leapt on to her back and then grabbed at the ceiling and removed from the flaky plaster a strange green plant. Merlin watched, confusion knitting his brows together. They walked off humming and Merlin, seeing they had turned the corner, ran for the Prince's door.

It was a very rare thing indeed for the Prince's Chambers to be locked, so when he found that he just ran straight into a hard oak door and fell back against the opposite wall, Merlin, to say the least, was a little shocked. His mouth agape he rubbed the back of his head. He nearly missed the bang on the other side of the door, like a body had mimicked his action and had jumped at the door. Frowning, he moved tentatively forward and knocked, only for the sound of a body pressing tighter against the door to be heard.

"Who is it?" If it had been any other time and had there not been the terrifying sounds of shrill girls not far off, Merlin would have laughed aloud at the sound of the might Arthur Pendragon, hiding behind his door and questioning him with an almost timid voice. The servant had no time to laugh as a shadow passed across the hall, people approaching, and instead banged on the door.

"It's Merlin. Let me in!" He didn't think he was going to be, Arthur remained silent and still before finally to door creaked at the release of the Prince's weight. A resounding click was heard and finally the door opened slowly. The blond Prince appeared; he took two seconds to look wildly around the corridor before standing back and grabbing the Warlock by the arm and pulling him roughly through the doorway, eyes looking up at the mistletoe hanging over the frame before pulling it away and throwing it to the floor…

Had Merlin not been watching, he might have missed the way Arthur lunged at the door and locked it tight. The Discarded Mistletoe littered beside a small but largely impressive, pile of the leaves Merlin would know for ever more as being the evils of this world.

He was safe! No more screaming girls, no more tangles of green and silver ribbons, no more decorated wreaths! Arthur's room, albeit, apart from the mistletoe, was free of all things Christmassy! He could have jumped in sheer joy but instead he took two deep breaths through his nose. Trying to repress the victorious grin off his face; he had survived! He wasn't even going to think how he was supposed to get home tonight without facing further attack.

Arthur had his back to him and was bending over to pick up the pile of mistletoe when Merlin chanced the silence to speak.

"What's going on out there?"

Arthur inhaled sharply turned to Merlin to offer him a 'world-weary' smile but did a double take and was now staring at Merlin with a look of pure horror. The leaves he had managed to gather where now, once again, on the floor.

"What?"

It took a further second for the bout of laughter to cover each corner of the cold, empty room.

"What?" Merlin repeated, hands now on his hip as he frowned at the blond. Arthur barely managing to keep himself upright, if he didn't stop laughing soon he'd likely faint due to lack of oxygen.

"They… Got you… Ha… Didn't they?" He laughed again, a loud bellowed sound.

Raising a shaking hand to his face, Merlin ran fingers over his lip and closed his eyes as he took them away, daring to peer though them anxiously. Thick red goo was smeared across the pale skin and likely over his lips and chin.

Arthur; now recovered motioned for the water and moved away to his bed. He landed on it was a softened thud and sighed heavily.

"Are they all insane? Or drunk?"

"No, Merlin." Merlin was annoyed to hear the put upon tone Arthur used, it was the same one he'd use whenever he thought his servant had asked a particularly idiotic question and that the answer required a tone an adult uses on a small, silly child.

"What then?" He dried his wet face on one of Arthur's thick blankets lying on the table; taking advantage of the fact the prince couldn't see him.

"It's Yule, Merlin. You are supposed to be… _Merry_." He sounded like the last thing he wanted was for any merriness at all.

"I know what time of year it is. But we don't get strangled and suffocated back home!"

Arthur laughed and sat up, his hair now tasselled. He shook his head, a grin spreading over his face as he once again managed to control himself.

"Well, with a face like that you aren't likely to get attention at any other time of year; perhaps you should make the most of it." He answered with a shrug.

"Have you left at all today?"

"Look what they did to _you_! I'm not leaving here till it's over!"

"When will that be, exactly?"

"I'd say a week or so… Possibly four."

Merlin's eyes widened. Arthur simply smirked and then motioned to the mistletoe. "Put that in the fire, will you Merlin?"

A knock sounded on the door just as he stepped in the direction of the fallen demons. They both froze as a girl voice called out: "Sire, we have brought you some food." It was followed by a round of girlish gleeful giggles, which to Merlin by now sounded almost sinister.

Arthur had half risen from the bed. Eyes wide open like he feared moving or even blinking would have the doors crashing open and a tumble of handmaidens drowning him in mistletoe kisses. Merlin wasn't even sure if he was breathing.

The knocking sounded again. "Sire…" The long drawn out word was clearly supposed to be sensual but the Prince looked as though he were going to be sick. There was another sharp knock, followed by loud squeal mere seconds later, apparently new prey had been found.

"KNIGHTS!"

A patter of running feet and the distinct sounds of yelling Knights and the girls were gone. Arthur breathed aloud and then turned to glare at a laughing Merlin.

"I hate Christmas." He growled to which Merlin answered merrily, for the first time this morning.

"Oh. But I think I love fan girls…"


End file.
